Sharing Your Dating Concerns with Busolamie
Dear Busolamie
I think my wife is cheating on me, its so saddening because I love her but then is infidelity a forgivable sin?
Chidinma
Dear Chidinma
Its so unfortunate that you feel this way, there must be something that you noticed that brought you to this conclusion, you have not shared that with us but it is important that you establish the truth because infidelity is such a very sensitive issue in marriages. Infidelity impacts on the basic fundamentals of your commitment to one another, your sense of trust, safety and familiarity, it is said in my culture that a partner that cheats is planning the death of his spouse, thus one needs tread carefully in issues of this nature. Be that as it may, if you love her as much as you claim, you have to dig in deep to forgive her and commit to a solution. Its not going to be a quick fix, elders say, ‘its not easy to erase a blemish from your heart even when you’ve tried to forget it physically’, I’ll advise you start from the root of the problem, why would your spouse cheat on you? Then see how you can fix the problem, gradually with love, you can rebuild your relationship. As for the forgiving side, remember, to err is human and to forgive is divine, we all could do with a little bit of divinity.
Dear Busolamie
My wife is richer than me, she rubs it in once in a while and I have tried to call her bluff but she wont listen. At the height of it, I warned her yet rather than getting sober, she called my bluff, we still leave together, I am not happy because I am doing my best to be a better person as a husband, father and head of the family but she doesn’t seem to acknowledge my efforts. Seems she has forgotten that I actually was better off until my business had challenges, I am frustrated and considering quitting the marriage
Segun
Dear Segun
This is a personality issue sincerely and it is one of the most complicated issue to handle for an adviser. It is obvious that you are doing your best but then have you ever sat down with your wife to explain your challenges and efforts at turning things around. I really understand that this challenge is not one any man wants to be faced with but that’s women for you. Communication is the best way out and for one, I strongly believe that quitters don’t win and vice versa. Yes, you may take a week off because atimes the gap makes us appreciate ourselves more but don’t make it a final way out. You can get a weekend off, take time to put things in better perspective and then return with a clearer perspective of how to move things forward.
Hello Busolamie
I in a real fix, kindly help me out. I have read your column severally and I think you offer very sincere advice. I have been married for 12years now but I guess my marriage ended after the first 3years. I discovered that my husband still meets with his ex secretly, when I challenged him, he told me pointblank, ‘and now that you know, you can do whatever you like’, it was like a hot knife piercing through my heart and I know he has kept the affairs going up till this moment, I’m real tired, very tired! What do you advise?
Angel
Dear Angel
An your name implies, you are an angel to have stuck in that relationship for this long. The easiest way out is to abandon the marriage but as is customary with me, I believe you don’t have to end your marriage, there should be a way out. Whilst somebody advised that you confront the lover and talk to her woman-to-woman, I am of the opinion that it could boomerang and drive your husband away finally. So whats the best way out, conversation! You have to appeal to his right senses to know what you are doing is wrong or what he wants that you aint doing, make him love you all over again Its only if all these overtures fail that you can begin to consider quitting. 12 years is such a long time but it also is small compared to your happiness.
Share your Dating Concerns with Busolamie, you can send your mail to busolamie@yahoo.com
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